7 Signs You’re in a Situationship - And How to Get OUT of One

Kelsey Wonderlin

December 5, 2023

5 min read

🤨 He says he really likes you, but doesn’t prioritize you.

🤨 One day he sends you texts that make you smile, the next he doesn’t even reply.

🤨 He says he wants to see you, but never makes a plan.

Sound familiar? You might be in a situationship.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

A situationship is a romantic relationship that lacks clear definition or commitment.

You’re emotionally intimate, spend time together, and are often physically intimate, but one or both people won't define the relationship or set boundaries (Eg: not seeing other people)

👉 Situationships can be a mindf*ck, because the person you’re involved with DOES like you. And he shows it.

BUT…

He shows it in small, infrequent, inconsistent displays of affection to keep you interested, because in reality...

...He has no intention of being in a relationship with you, at least not right now. (I say this with LOVE, because I’ve been there 🫶)

He’s not ready to BE in a relationship, but he wants the benefits of a relationship (someone to talk to, someone who gives him attention, etc).

Between the words of affirmation (“I really like you”), the texts that make you smile, and the promise of hanging out soon… It can be hard to identify if you’re really in a situationship.

☠️ Here are 7 dead giveaways you're in a situationship:

He shows hints of emotional connection, then withdraws
He won’t define the relationship ❌
You only spend time together when it’s convenient for him 😤
He’s not there when you need him
He cancels plans last-minute because something “better” came around
He says “I really like you” but then ghosts for 3 days
If you’re less responsive, now he’s suddenly interested 🙄

If this sounds like what you’re going through, you’re so not alone, and I promise:

His lack of commitment to you has NOTHING to do with your worth or value.

There is nothing wrong with you. You are so f*cking lovable, and great men DO exist! You just have to know how to call them in.

Now, how do you get OUT of a situationship? I got you. 🫶🏼

Here are my best tips:

VALIDATE the F out of your feelings of hurt and sadness, and your desire to be loved and prioritized. (You are NOT asking for too much. You’re just asking the wrong person!)
Acknowledge that he’s not even coming close to fulfilling those needs for you. And you’re experiencing unnecessary suffering by trying to get them met through him. 💔
Understand that his inability to commit has NOTHING to do with you or your worth. This is information for YOU about him and whether he is a good fit for YOU - NOT an indicator of your value. 🫶🏼
FOCUS on the reality of who he is right now rather than his potential. (Yes, even if he has shown you small spurts of his potential to be a good partner to you, it is exactly that - POTENTIAL ❌)
Let him know you can’t see him anymore.
EXAMPLE:
“I totally understand that you aren't looking for a relationship. I really like you, but I do want a relationship, and it’s getting hard to spend time with you without it moving towards that. I can’t keep doing this. I truly wish you the best.”
***You can do this via text, call, Facetime, or in person. If you don’t trust yourself to follow through with the boundary in person, communicate it another way.
Practice spending time ALONE. Not time alone swiping on dating apps. Not time alone numbing out with Netflix or wine. Put your phone down. Turn off the TV. Figure out what lights you UP & what GROUNDS you - Be in nature 🌸 Snuggle with a cozy blanket & a candle with the lights low. Listen to soothing music or a meditation and connect with yourself. 🧘🏼‍♀️

Above all: Remember you WILL be okay. 🫶🏼

In a few years when you’re well into your relationship with your dream partner, you’ll look back on this and think “I can’t believe I ever tolerated that” 💅😉

P.S: If you need help to stop ending up in these situations and attract a man who WANTS a relationship… I got you 🫶🏼

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