The Dos and Don'ts of Texting Etiquette: Striking the Right Balance

dating apps healthy communication healthy relationships online dating texting Jan 30, 2023
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You are ready to start dating! You have downloaded all the best datings apps! You've attracted some dream partners, you have someone you REALLY want to do well with! You are sending text messages (in app counts!) and then...

You get overwhelmed and are struggling with texting etiquette and how to communicate effectively with your potential romantic partners? ๐Ÿค” Are you totally focused on making sure they don't lose interest?

Don't worry, you're not alone! ๐Ÿค—


Tired of playing the texting game? Let's change that! ๐Ÿค

In this blog post, we're going to cover some key dos and don'ts of actual texting etiquette to help you master healthy communication and attract the right partners. ๐Ÿ’ฌ

kelsey wonderlin IG instagram date coach text expert licensed therapist

Dos and Don'ts of Actual Texting Etiquette

Let's start with the don'ts. One of the biggest mistakes people make when it comes to texting is playing games. You know, like intentionally delaying your responses to seem less interested. ๐Ÿ™…‍โ™€๏ธ This type of behavior is outdated and unhealthy. Healthy partners are seeking high-level, emotionally intelligent partners who don’t play games and are masters of healthy communication. ๐Ÿ’ญ

So, what should you do instead? The key to attracting healthy partners is being able to discuss about talking preferences directly. Along with allowing yourself to have emotional availability, able to communicate in a healthy way, and invested in your own individual life. ๐Ÿ’ฏ

dos and dont to write texting chat writing date conversation

Responding to Text Messages

When it comes to responding to texts, it's important to do so when you can. However, this doesn't mean you should always respond right away. ๐Ÿ•ฐ๏ธ If you are a healthy individual who has their own rich, individual single lifestyle, you will not be by your phone every second. So, rather than staring at your phone trying to purposely wait to respond, strive to simply be with yourself and not consumed by texting someone!๐ŸŒŸ

Maintaining Your Normal Style with a Text Message!

Another important aspect of texting etiquette is maintaining your normal style of texting.

  1. Don't change your texting style for anyone or "tone yourself down" to seem less interested. Express your true personality and own it! ๐Ÿ’‍โ™‚๏ธ
    1. If you're an expressive texter who uses a lot of exclamation points and emojis, then text like that! But, keep in mind that there might be things you would share with your best friend with no hesitation that you may need some time to open up about with a new person.

Let's talk about what type of texter are you?

From Love in the Time of Texting By Shawna Ryan featuring myself and others!

Here Kelsey identifies four types of texters!


Texting Tips and Tricks

date texting tips make big difference

Now lets continue to dive deeper into specific dos and don'ts to help you navigate the world of texting with confidence and grace. From striking a natural balance of responding to not overthinking who should text first, we've got you covered. So, grab your phone and let's get started!

Don't Overthink Who Should Text First

Okay, let's talk about one of the biggest texting faux pas out there: overthinking who should text first. ๐Ÿคฏ It's just not worth the stress and anxiety, trust me. So, if you find yourself obsessing over who should text first, take a step back and remember that it's not the end of the world.

Do Strike a Natural Balance in Texting or Online Dating

Instead of overthinking, let's focus on striking an organic balance. ๐Ÿค Respond when you can, but don't feel like you need to always respond right away. If you have a rich individual living, you won't be by your phone every second. So, go out and enjoy it! ๐ŸŒž๐ŸŒฒ๐Ÿšด‍โ™‚๏ธ

Don't Be Afraid to Communicate Your Needs

girl waiting after texts short guess guy friend soccer game messages

It's important to set boundaries and communicate your needs. ๐Ÿ—ฃ๏ธ If you need some space or time to yourself, it's okay to let the other person know. This shows that you respect yourself and your needs, and it's an important aspect of any healthy relationship. ๐Ÿ’•

Do Be Honest and Authentic

In any relationship, honesty and authenticity are key. ๐Ÿ”‘ Don't hide your true feelings or intentions just to avoid conflict or hurt. Being honest and authentic is a sign of respect and trust, and it's essential for building a strong foundation in any relationship. ๐Ÿ’ฏ

Don't Blindly Text Multiple Times with No Response ๐Ÿ“ฑ

When it comes to text messaging, it's crucial to keep in mind the other person's preferences and behavior. The question of whether triple texting is really that bad is a common one! And the answer is, it depends. It depends on:

  1. the texting style of both parties
  2. their preferences
  3. the stage of the relationship
  4. and ultimately, whether the person you're texting is bothered by it.

On the other hand, if you're not getting responses back, it's best to hold off on sending more messages. This can prevent you from coming across as overly eager or clingy ๐Ÿ™ˆ. And it can even lead to the other person losing interest ๐Ÿค”. The key is to maintain a balance and make sure you're both on the same page when it comes to talking๐Ÿ’ฌ. It's all about finding that sweet spot, where you're both comfortable and find it fun to keep in contact ๐Ÿค—.

Find the Right Balance ๐Ÿง

It's okay to send a few texts right in a row if that's how you text. Some people put everything they want to say in one message and send it, while others send one message for each sentence or thought they have. But in general, try not to send more than 3 or 4 right in a row.

Also, look for reciprocity ๐Ÿค. If the other person texts like that too with rapid-fire 5+ messages in a row with different thoughts and there's almost a banter happening, go for it. This is where your critical thinking comes in! ๐Ÿค”

Follow Up the Right Way ๐Ÿ’ฌ

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If you sent a text earlier and they haven't responded yet, sending another is sometimes okay but it really depends on what you follow up with. This is assuming you're still pretty new in getting to know them. But, it's important not to give them a play-by-play of your day if they aren't responding or continue to send different messages hours apart that have gone responded to.

Familiarity After Several Dates

fun date laugh joke example excited sincere several texts

If you're a little further in, maybe 1-2 dates in and you feel there's a strong mutual connection, and you're someone who likes to give the play-by-play of your day, and maybe the person you're texting isn't really a big texter, it's okay to ask them if it's cool if you continue to send updates as long as you don't expect them to respond to all of it or respond right away.

As you progress through the stages of a relationship, the dynamic of communication will also change. After several dates, you may find that you're more comfortable with each other and may feel more inclined to text or call more frequently. But, it's still important to be aware of the other person's preferences and boundaries.

Co-creating the relationship dynamics is key, even after several dates. It's important to continue to check in with each other and make sure you're both on the same page. If you find that your texting habits have become a source of tension, it's important to address it and come up with a solution that works for both of you. It's all about finding that balance and being considerate of the other person's feelings.

Remember, finding love and healthy communicating is a two-way street and it's important to work together to create a comfortable and healthy dynamic that works for both of you. Especially when you've had a few dates!๐Ÿค

Tips to Communicate and Establish Boundaries ๐Ÿ”’

It's important to communicate and establish boundaries with the person you're texting. If there's a strong mutual connection and they just aren't a big texter, it's okay to ask how they feel about you sending updates in your usual fashion as long as they get to not have to reply to it all or right away in their keep going usual fashion.

๐Ÿ’ฌ Be Clear in Your Communication

When it comes to texting, it's crucial to make sure that the person on the receiving end knows exactly what you're trying to say. Before hitting send on any updates or messages, double check with them to ensure that they're on the same page as you. They may not be as text-savvy as you are, and that's totally okay! Just ask them how they feel about the frequency and tone of your messages. This way, you can avoid any confusion or misinterpretations on their end.

๐Ÿ”’ Set Clear Boundaries

Boundaries are a must for successful texting. If the person you're messaging or yourself isn't a fan of one-word answers, finds that periods or other punctuation is distressing, or experiences other texting quirks, have a conversation with them where you talk person to person about meanings and your experiences. Maybe they simply have different grammatical preferences and don't mean anything by the punctuation. Perhaps that one-word answer you gave isn't passive-aggressive, but just what you could manage on a bad day! By doing so, you can ensure that your messages are received in the way that you intended.

dating boundaries matter night response

Respecting Both Them and Yourself!

Also, if they bring up any concerns, be open to discussing them and finding a solution that works for both of you. Ultimately, these boundaries matter for you and the person you are text messaging. It is always important to honor your own boundaries when figuring out how-to or whether-to accommodate the ongoing messaging styles or frequency! Always check the facts and find what assumptions or narrative you may be adding to the story, then determine where to go from there. It is always alright to take a stop texting, take a moment, and then respond with a clearer mind and your better self.

๐Ÿ“ฑ Give Them Space

waiting on texts support yourself and have fun with the personal space

We all lead busy lives, and that includes the person you're texting. Don't expect them to reply to your messages immediately, or even at all. Give them the time and space they need to respond on their own terms. And, if they don't respond, don't take it personally. Just keep living your own life, and honoring yourself! Then keep the conversation going when they're ready. ๐Ÿ˜ŠNo need to play games!

In Conclusion

In conclusion, the key to mastering healthy communication when it comes to texting etiquette is to be emotionally available, able to communicate in a healthy way, and invested in your own individual life. Additionally, it's important to strike the right balance by responding when you can, maintaining your normal style of texting, and not overthinking who should text first. Remember to set boundaries, communicate your needs and be honest and authentic. By following these dos and don'ts, you'll be able to navigate the world of texting with confidence and grace. ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ‘

About the Author:

dating coach for women and men licensed mental health counselor kelsey wonderlin

Kelsey Wonderlin is a licensed therapist and dating coach located in Nashville, TN in the United States. She has been featured in the NY TimesT-Mobile, and on W Radio. Her courses serve over 6,000 students all across the world hailing from 78+ countries and 6 continents! You can follow her for free content on her IG @kelseywonderlin.

Links and Resources:

NY Times Article - In the Dating World, Crafting the Perfect Message Is Its Own Art Form

 A growing number of dating coaches are offering text-specific dating courses to provide clients with the written communication skills necessary to take matches offline and into the real world, and then keep them going.

The Texting Communication Cure Playbook- done-for-you templates and tips on discussing texting preferences, responding to ghosters, and expressing your preferences in a new relationship.

The Texting Communication Cure - The definitive online course for navigating texting with confidence in the early stages of dating - stop overthinking and actually ENJOY all the stomach-flipping butterflies of a new relationship!

The Ghosting Guide - my FREE guide about WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU THINK YOU'RE BEING GHOSTED ๐Ÿ‘ป๐Ÿ˜ฌ

Finding Long-Term Compatibility on Dating Apps: The Importance of Aligning on Values, Identities, and Worldviews - Discover how aligning on values, identities, and worldviews can lead to long-term compatibility on dating apps. Learn the importance of value alignment for finding the right match.

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