How to Practice Self-Love: Honor Your Wants, Needs, and Values

self love Feb 14, 2023
how to practice self love workbook for women and all genders

It's easy to give into pressures from the outside world and forget to prioritize your own wants, needs, and values. But when you know how to identify these aspects and learn how to honor them, it can help you practice self-love.


Unlocking the Connection between Self-Love and Relationship Success

Leading a fulfilling life requires self love, which is also essential for our relationships. It all starts by honoring our own wants, needs, and values. The journey of self love involves developing self esteem, self acceptance, and self confidence. With a self love workbook for women or men, you can begin practicing self love and explore how it affects your relationships.

As we develop self love and self compassion, it becomes easier to recognize our strengths and boundaries and honor them in any relationship. Self respect is the foundation for successful, healthy connections with others. Practicing self love habits, such as self care and acknowledging our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, can help diffuse self doubt and criticism.

If you're tired of sacrificing your own wants and needs to please others, it's time to prioritize self love. By standing up for what you want, setting boundaries, and believing in yourself, you'll boost your sense of self confidence and make significant progress on your self love. So, lets dive in! 💜

What is Self-Respect?

respect yourself vs. disrespecting yourself realize helps overall happiness

Are you feeling like you're always putting others' wants and needs ahead of your own? It's time to prioritize self-respect! 💪 Self-respect means identifying what you want, need, and your boundaries and values and then honoring them. It's all about being true to yourself, no matter what that looks like!

To cultivate healthy self-respect, acknowledge your unique strengths, talents, quirks, and passions. Practice self-care, recognize your feelings, and set boundaries. Believe in yourself and start making decisions that honor who you are as a person. Giving yourself permission to stand up for what you want will boost your sense of confidence and self-esteem. Remember to ask for help when needed, appreciate the gifts that make you unique, and cultivate healthy levels of self-respect through self-compassion and confidence.

Prioritizing self-respect is about understanding that you matter and deserve to be treated with respect. It's about acknowledging your feelings and needs, treating yourself with kindness, and recognizing your own worth. By embracing your uniqueness and honoring your values, you'll cultivate healthy self-respect and live a fulfilling life.

What is Self-Disrespect?

It's the opposite of self-respect and can manifest as putting yourself down, neglecting your needs, and allowing others to treat you poorly. Instead, acknowledge your feelings, strengths, talents, quirks, and passions.

Long Term Implications of Self-Disrespect

The long-term implications of self-disrespect can be damaging to one's mental and emotional wellbeing. Continuously putting oneself down or neglecting their needs can lead to a lack of confidence, self-doubt, and low self-esteem. Allowing others to treat you poorly can lead to feeling powerless, resentment, and a diminished sense of self-worth. Over time, these negative emotions can impact your relationships, work-life, and overall happiness. It's crucial to prioritize self-respect and cultivate a healthy level of self-esteem to live a fulfilling and satisfying life.

Importance of Knowing Yourself 

deep reflection and focus through self help books  on identity

Taking the time to get to know yourself and recognize your values, wants and needs is an essential step towards fostering self-love. Without this knowledge finding YOUR people and joining activities that align with these personal values is almost trial by fire!. By spending quality time getting to know yourself, you develop a greater appreciation for WHO YOU ARE - and that unlocks the ability to make decisions that enhance personal growth and are self-honoring.

With practice and perseverance, you can cultivate an understanding of the things which you need in order for true self-love to arise. Explore your motivations, feelings, and desires and taking the time to understand why certain aspects hold more importance than others. 

Knowing yourself is a key to optimizing your process of finding long-term compatibility in dating apps!

How to prioritize self respect, self love, and self care!

From there prioritize your life to replenish your internal resources! Recognize how much energy it takes for certain activities, try to make sure high energy tasks are also highly important to your sense of self! For example spending time with quality friends or exploring your creative pursuits.

Resting can be HIGH ENERGY

If resting causes anxiety then it is a HIGH energy task, anxiety = high energy state! REST is super important for people like that, prioritize it!

For me, as a business owner I always know there is something I could be doing! Always a question I want to answer or a client I want to help - it becomes MY automatic state. Resting stresses me out! However forcing myself to rest gives my body a chance to regain a balanced and natural neurophysiological state. It creates the space from which I can build self love, honor, and live my life more completely. Resting is a form of adopting abundance mindset!

The Complexities of Identifying Your Desires

self help workbooks honor my needs positive changes and positive emotions

Let's be real, it's not always easy to figure out where our desires come from. Are they truly our own or are we just doing something because we think it's what others want or like? 🤔 It's a common trap to fall into, making choices based on external validation and what we think others want or don't want.

And that's okay, it's normal! It's important to remember that we are constantly bombarded by societal norms and expectations, and it can be hard to distinguish between what we truly want and what we think we're supposed to want. That's why it's crucial to take the time to reflect and do some self-exploration. Ask yourself questions like: "What makes me happy?" "What do I truly value?" "What do I stand for?" These types of introspective exercises can help you get in touch with your own desires and start to separate them from what others expect or want from you.

The Past Informs Our Present it does NOT Define It

spend time and write about deep thoughts on the past and present

It's also important to consider the impact of past experiences and upbringing on shaping our desires. For example, did you grow up in an environment where your desires were discouraged or not supported? How do past relationships influenced your desires? These experiences have shaped us, but you can be mindful not to let them fully dictate your choices and desires in the present. Try to notice when your present feels too similar to the past, and adjust your thoughts accordingly to the facts of the present!

Finding the balance between your past and your present is a lifelong endeavor, and in some cases even warrants enlisting the help of outside experts! (like therapists or well-trained coaches!)

Practice Self Love through Fundamentals to Grow Self-Esteem and Self-Worth

Self-discovery is a lifelong process, but even taking small increments of time to self-explore helps build the foundation of a path to deeper sense of fulfillment and self-love.

Here is a little scale that you can use TODAY and then employ the following practices and mindset shifts to help boost!

what is your current level of self-worth

Mindful Listening: Cultivating Focus and Silencing Your Inner Critic (A-hole in your mind)

deep questions and reading book leads to joy

It is important to remember that loving yourself is not just about physical and mental wellness, but also involves actively listening to your inner voice and engaging in meaningful conversations with yourself.

Mindful listening is a powerful habit that helps you to fully present in the moment and focus on the thoughts and feelings that arise within you. By paying attention to these inner messages and compassionately making sense of them, you can begin to quiet your inner critic and develop a more reality-based perspective. This mindfulness practice can lead to increased self-awareness and a greater sense of inner peace. So, if you're looking to optimize your mental wellbeing, try incorporating mindful listening into your daily routine.

Deep Self-Reflection

lady affirming herself with a lipstick heart in the mirror

Deep self-reflection helps you understand yourself better by deepening your awareness beyond your immediate reactions and thought patterns, allowing you to gain insight into who you are as a person.

Self-reflection may seem daunting at first, but it's essential for self-love. So,

  1. give yourself time each day to journal, meditate, or reflect on your emotions.
  2. be an active listener to yourself, and recognize any patterns that may be holding you back from a fulfilling life. 
  3. It's crucial to accept and embrace the unique aspects that make you who you are (and that does not mean always liking everything about ourselves!)

Self-acceptance will build your self-esteem and lead to genuine happiness. So, take a moment of gratitude and appreciate yourself and enjoy being in your own skin!

The Value of a Self Love Journal

self love can be reached through self love journal


Self love journaling is regularly writing down your thoughts, feelings, and experiences related to self love. This type of journaling can help you reflect on your self-worth, identify areas that need improvement, and track your progress as you work towards a healthier relationship with yourself.

A self love journal is an important tool for anyone looking to deepen their self-awareness and cultivate a stronger and healthier relationship with themselves. So, whether you're just starting your self love journey or are looking to take your practices to the next level, a high quality self love journal is the perfect companion to help you along the way.

Making Choices Based on What Others Want

taking care of friendships by honoring yourself and being grateful

When you make choices based on what you think others want, you can attract the wrong partners. Trust me, I've been there! 🙋‍♀️ But when you're clear on what YOU want and value, and you HONOR that, you'll attract healthy partners who are also clear on what they want and value. 💕

For example, dressing modestly because you think men want a woman who dresses modestly, or showing skin because you think men want a woman who is sexy, are not acts of self-respect. Similarly, sleeping with a lot of women because you've been told women want a man who is sexually experienced or because you think other men will respect you more, or driving a truck because you think women want a man who is masculine, are not acts of self-respect.

These choices are not rooted in personal values or desires, but rather are driven by societal expectations and the fear of being judged by others. They stem from the belief that others hold the power to determine one's worth and success. This way of thinking can lead to a lack of self-awareness and a disregard for one's own needs and wants. In order to maintain self-respect, it is important to consider what we want for ourselves, rather than solely what others expect of us.

Fighting Self Doubt

you are good enough boost your self esteem

One of the ways to fight self doubt is to stop comparing ourselves to others. It is easy to feel bad about ourselves when we compare our lives and accomplishments to others, but it is important to remember that nobody's perfect and everyone has their own journey.

Another way to fight self doubt is to challenge negative thoughts. Negative thoughts can spiral and lead to feelings of self doubt, but it is important to recognize them and replace them with positive affirmations about oneself. By doing this, we can slowly but surely build a stronger sense of self-worth and confidence.

Honoring Yourself Creates Fulfilment and Protects Your Mental Health

honor thy self

Choosing based on what others want can also lead to feelings of resentment and dissatisfaction, as one is not fulfilling their own desires and needs. This can negatively impact self-esteem and confidence. To live a fulfilling life and to truly respect oneself, it is necessary to make decisions based on personal values and beliefs. This requires self-reflection and a strong sense of self-worth, which is built over time through a combination of experiences, accomplishments, and inner-reflection. Ultimately, making choices based on what others want is not the path to self-respect and personal fulfillment, but rather making choices that align with our own values and beliefs is. 

Give Yourself Permission to Take Action on Your Needs and Wants

After engaging in self-reflection, take actionable steps to honor your wants and needs. Listen to what your body, mind, heart and soul want and prioritize them. Set aside a sufficient amount of time during the week for activities that align with what you need or want to do—whether it’s making time for a massage or going out to dinner with friends. When you make space to respond to your needs, you create greater inner peace and improved quality of life.

Prioritize Yourself

Prioritize yourself by learning to say “no” when necessary. Educate those around you so they understand your decisions— despite the fear of appearing selfish, making time for yourself is a self-care necessity.

Allow yourself to veer away from strict timelines, plans or agendas in order to honor your values and live authentically. When you make it a point to act on what you need and want, you are being true to yourself and rebuilding loving trust with yourself that will continue to grow over time.

So, take a moment to reflect on what you've been doing not because YOU want to, but because you think others like it or because you think it will attract a partner. Get clear on what YOU want and value, and you'll find that you attract dreamy partners who are a perfect match for you. 💖

A Self Love Workbook for Women and All Genders

Self love and self care are not limited to just one gender. Whether you are a woman or a man, the principles and practices of self love are universal and applicable to all. My workbook covers the 5 components of self love and provides step by step guidance on how to identify your values, needs, and wants, set boundaries, practice self acceptance, stop people-pleasing, and soothe yourself when upset. All of these actions, behaviors, and habits are essential for anyone who wants to lead a fulfilling and healthy life.

Let's ditch the gender stereotypes and make self-love for everyone! This self-love workbook is your go-to guide for cultivating a strong and lasting relationship with yourself, tailored to fit your individual needs. With exercises and practices to work through, you'll gain the tools and skills necessary to live a happier and healthier life, regardless of your gender. So, whether you're a man or woman, let's embark on this journey of self-discovery and self-love today!


In conclusion, fostering self-love and honoring your wants, needs, and values are crucial for personal growth and success in relationships. By understanding self-respect and taking the time to get to know yourself, you can identify what is important to you and make decisions that align with these values. Practicing self-compassion, setting boundaries, and engaging in deep self-reflection are key steps towards cultivating self-love and enhancing self-respect. Remember to always be true to yourself, honor your values and needs, and engage in activities that bring you joy and replenish your internal resources. With practice and perseverance, you can cultivate a greater appreciation for who you are and lead a fulfilling life filled with healthy, compatible relationships.

Don't be afraid to put yourself first and prioritize self-respect. Your wants, needs, and values matter, and it's time to honor them! 💪

About the Author:

best version of self coach lifelong journey positive psychology kelsey wonderlin

Kelsey Wonderlin is a licensed therapist, mental health professional, and dating coach located in Nashville, TN in the United States. She has been featured in the NY Times, by T-Mobile, and on W Radio. Her courses serve over 6,000 students all across the world hailing from 78+ countries and 6 continents! You can follow her for free content on her IG @kelseywonderlin

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